Psycho-Free Zone

  Scatterbrained When I first created this blog, I intended to chronologically recount my story of narcissistic abuse . There are a few reasons the blog has remained stagnant for so long. One, my brain works in a more random way, not so much chronological. At this point, I'm thinking of writing a book (or two or three), that way I can keep adding events to the correct chapters as I remember them. Two, and this is more of an excuse than anything else, is life happened. I got busy with work and other things. Because I already felt overwhelmed at trying to recount my tale, it was easy to use "I'm just too busy" as an excuse to avoid writing about what I'd been through. Three, and probably most importantly, is that I realized shortly after I created my blog that my significant other (now my husband) had been through the same thing I had but to a far worse degree. At the time, he was still in touch with his abuser who was actively trying to destroy his life. This was c

Unmasked Narcissism Recently, I read an article, written by a mental health professional regarding narcissistic personality disorder, that made a derogatory statement about there being so much information online written by lay-folk regarding personality disorders. My first thought was, yeah, due to having the misfortune of experiencing an NPD at an intimate level, some lay-folk understand narcissism better than certain clinicians . I don’t mean non-professionals should try to diagnose each new acquaintance, but psychologists aren’t infallible, and they, too, may be fooled by a narcissist playing the role of a decent human being. Having the training and a degree doesn’t necessarily mean the therapist learned it correctly or actually knows how to apply the knowledge appropriately. Reading about the traits of personality disorders and psychopathy in textbooks isn’t the same as encountering them in the wild. As far as armchair psychologists go, who better to identify an NPD than someone w

New Beginnings As we start the new year, I was reflecting on my goals for last year, and that got me thinking about how much can happen in a year. A few years ago, my husband and I started a tradition of writing down Happy Thoughts throughout the year and stuffing them into a jar, then we read them to each other during the first few days of the new year. We've been doing that this week, and I'm realizing how much I have to be grateful for, and I don't want to take anything for granted. I grew up in a dysfunctional family , so it astonishes me that it took me as long as it did to recognize it when I found myself entrapped in it in my adult life. What's more puzzling is that, even after my own experience, I didn't see my best friend's (now my husband) Stockholm Syndrome for what it was. In my defense, I was still licking my wounds and trying to make sense of what I had been through. I was also blinded by optimism and a renewed sense of hope. So many people feel

Recalling Life With My N-MIL Reading through my old journal entries, I'm recalling the constant feelings of dread, hopelessness, oppression, and despair . During the time we lived with my in-laws, my narcissistic mother-in-law (N-MIL) engaged in gas-lighting, verbal abuse, rewriting history, blatant attempts at manipulation, playing dumb (or forgetful), projection, lying, denial, double standards, tantrums, crocodile tears, threats, bullying, emotional blackmail, and at least one meltdown of nuclear proportions. The majority of it was directed at my husband, while I was mostly treated as a non-person; the in-laws wouldn’t even address me by name when they were speaking to me, they would simply start talking at me. Toward the end, when the tension was almost unbearable, I would often reflect on how my N-MIL and her flying monkey would go on the offense in order to keep her targets busy running defense. It was the same way, years ago, when I lived with my narc. Abusers put so much ef