Why did we move in with my Narcissistic Mother-In-Law?
When my husband and I returned to our home state, several years ago, the plan was to stay with his parents while he settled into a new job position. We both worked with the company, and the owners wanted him to relocate. He was also to have a minor surgery (with a sufficient recovery period), and we were to search for an apartment. It was my narcissistic mother-in-law (NMIL) who extended the invitation for us to stay with them during this time.
Upon our arrival, she designated one end of the house, with two spare rooms, for us to spread out in. (She later rewrote history by stating that she never said any such thing, but I specifically remember her telling us this, because it made me feel that she was giving us room to breathe, and maybe this wouldn't be so unpleasant after all.) For a brief period of time, she expressed concern over Tim's injury, even sharing her prescription pain meds and sleeping pills with him, and she appeared genuinely magnanimous to both of us in general.
I want to point out that on several occasions, prior to our arrival, Tim mentioned to me that he thought his mom had Narcissistic Personality Disorder. He suspected that growing up under her dysfunctional parenting was a key reason he later succumbed to his ex-Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). I'm ashamed to say that I neglected to take him seriously enough. On the surface, my NMIL seemed to mean well. Also, I thought it unlikely that the two of us could have so many disordered people in our lives. However, by the time we moved out of his parents' house, neither of us had any doubts as to how disordered she is. Her insidious cruelty and spitefulness know no bounds.
Drama
Less than a month after we moved in with my NMIL, ex-BPD pulled an attention-seeking stunt. It was so dramatic that earned her a hospitalization. Therefore, someone needed to babysit her kids for several days. If she had done this at any time prior to our arrival, my husband wouldn't have been an option. We simply did not live close enough. Also, he wouldn't have been able to take a leave of absence from work. But there we were, and Granny Narc was eager to sink her mental claws into those impressionable young minds. Inevitably, she took full advantage of the situation to emotionally manipulate Tim. However, external factors, including the family court system, neutralized her attempts at controlling him.
Ideally, Tim was supposed to hit the ground running, as far as work was concerned. The job required frequent travel, and he moved us back home, because he was being promoted to manage the region. The timing of this particular mess couldn't have been worse, and it cost him. The company we worked for was the absolute worst, and that's a story for another day, but they punished him for taking time off to deal with the unexpected family situation by giving him way too much time off. Surrounded by psychopaths, oh, what a time we had!
Aftermath
The whole predicament resolved in less than a week. BPD soon packed up her kids and moved several states away with them. If everything had happened even a week prior to our arrival back home, things could have gone differently for us. However, I'm a firm believer in everything happening for a reason. Also, the true natures of my NMIL and the owners/operators of the company we worked for would have come to light eventually. It wouldn't have mattered how things unfolded.
In retrospect, I believe the prescription pills my NMIL doled out were an initial attempt at keeping Tim compliant. They made him more receptive to her suggestions. The mock concern for his well-being was very brief (after a few weeks, she forgot all about his injury; she failed to even inquire as to whether he was still going forward with his surgery or physical therapy), and it quickly became apparent that she wanted to control every aspect of our lives. What we ate, how we spent our free time, where we bought gas, everything.
Photo Credit: Pixabay
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